Being unmotivated is a terrible feeling. When your mind is whirring with the list of things you need to accomplish it can turn into an inexperienced drummer gone wild in the very center of your brain. The only way to end his (or her) tyrannical spree would be to start completing the plethora of tasks that have become fuel for the continuation of your torture. This seems like a relatively simple solution - complete the tasks and kill the drummer, but it is never that easy.
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| Brain matter. |
In light of the uninterpretable happenings in my brain, I have decided to tell a story - a story of nonsense, humor, and unfinished business. For your reading pleasure, I present...well, it doesn't actually have a title.
"We gather here today to reminisce and make fun of that dirt rotten, no good, two-faced, lying, son-of-a-gun, and my best friend in the whole world." This statement caused some distress among my other friends because he still owed each of them $2.17 - he was attempting to buy a goldfish farm and had asked each of them to invest. However, things went sour when he realized that the goldfish he purchased were not in fact goldfish at all. Rather, they were mutant tadpoles from an experimental radiation plant and were designed to join with the guinea pigs to combat the evil hamsters. When he realized his error it was already too late. The tadpoles eyes began to grow disproportionate to their bodies. In response to this rapid event, he built them elaborate power suits that would allow them to survive on land. They also were capable of communication through complex devices incorporated within the suits. their first words were, "Dude...wear some deodorant." The tadpoles were very forward with their comments. This gave him an overwhelming sense of shame. He fled the room in a tizzy and vowed to never create a race of super-tadpoles ever again. The very next day his friends - the ones who had each invested $2.17 - approached him to ask how the goldfish farm was going. He smiled nonchalantly and said, "It's going great! Except..." He paused. "They just don't seem to like me very much. I try to read them bedtime stories and sing them lullabies, but they always ignore me." He stopped as his friends had all started to spontaneously combust. He didn't know what to do, so he called upon the mutated tadpoles to come assist them. However, the tadpoles had no idea what to do. In their desperation, they threw the friends into a steaming vat of cow saliva. This might seem like a rash and rather absurd thing to do, but it actually stopped the combustion entirely. The friends were absolutely disgusted by their current location, but were even more stunned by the ingenuity of the tadpoles. It softened their opinion of them considerably. They couldn't stop staring in disbelief at the big-eyed, suited tadpoles. Suddenly, the friends turned to our protagonist and asked him, "What are your plans for these creatures? They certainly aren't goldfish." He thought for a bit and replied, "My plans for these creatures are still uncertain. They have shown themselves to be useful and I can no longer justify getting rid of them." His response made his friends nod in support. They decided that the fate of the super-tadpoles was now completely in their hands. They couldn't let the poor things be ostracized in regular society, so instead they initiated a plan to disguise them as regular citizens. This involved a little bit of ingenuity and a crazy amount of spray paint. The suits that had been constructed were colored fluorescent orange. That seemed a little too conspicuous, so they decided to spray them a rather nice shade of blue - teal, in fact. Once they looked classy, they created them an array of sun hats to hide their bulging eyes. Once the hats were placed on each of their heads the group of friends took a step back and surveyed their work. Our protagonist suddenly said, "This could work." They then took them out into public to test out the disguise.
It went horribly awry. The teal color they had painted was blatantly obvious and drew way too much attention. Immediately the group began to scream nonsensical phrases. The most common was, "Fruit Loops hail the king of masculine odor! Shun those who fear to bend the macaroni noodle!" This disturbed the mutant tadpoles and sent them into a frenzy. They began terrorizing small children and throwing very small rocks at the group of nonsensical friends. In response, the friends starting throwing rocks back at them. Before they knew it, the whole city was having a rock fight. This lasted for a total of five minutes. It had turned into quite a bloody ordeal when suddenly, the lovely elderly couple from 2B keeled over and died. This made the rest of the city burst out in laughter. That couple had been known for their hilarious practical jokes. Plus, nobody really liked them. Either way, the couple was still lying their motionless. The laughter soon faded to soft chuckles and quiet murmurs. A small child waled over to where the couple had fallen and began to do the dance from the Six Flag commercials. Everybody thought this was wildly inappropriate. They began throwing small rocks at the child and shouting obscenities. Suddenly, the child also collapsed into a heap on the ground. Startled, the people began chanting fanatically and moving in an odd circular manner around the three collapsed individuals. this was really starting to disturb the group of friends and the tadpoles had already begun to cower in fear at the sight of the cult ritual. The group tried to slip away, but they weren't watching their steps and ended up simultaneously tripping over backwards. This made the entire city stop cold and stare at the group. Instead of getting up and running, the group of friends pretended that they, too, had fallen to the ground, unconscious or dead. When the city walked over to them the group suddenly vanished! The tadpoles were gone as well and the city couldn't help but stare around in bewilderment. This surprising turn of events caused the city to form a search party. While they were angry at the group, they still needed to find them.
What had actually happened to the group was that they they been unintentionally teleported to an underground laboratory by a squad of camouflaged monkeys. The group was disoriented for a few minutes by the after-effects of teleportation, but the monkeys simply waited. When the group was reoriented, one of the monkeys stepped forward. He said, "You are not the friends we were looking for, but you will have to do. Please follow me." The friends were terrified because they couldn't actually see who/what was talking to them. They began scanning the room almost frantically, when suddenly the leader monkey pulled off his mask, revealing an intelligent, monkey face. "It's okay, you can trust me," he said in a reassuring voice. The friends were still very skeptical and wary, but the tadpoles immediately rushed over and gave the leader monkey a smothering group hug. The monkey smiled and hugged them back, laughing all the while. This made the friends very uncomfortable and unsure. However, they decided to follow the monkeys, who had all removed their masks at this point. "Alright, then - this way." And they started down a long, dark tunnel. Our protagonist asked, "Why are you able to speak? You're only a--" The movement of the monkey squad was so quick that our protagonist didn't even have time to bat an eyelash. The monkeys had drawn swords and were poised to strike. The leader casually turned and with surprising fierceness said, "A monkey?" He shook his head. "You speak of things with you do not know. We have not always been monkeys. Once, we were..."
Surprisingly, I feel a whole lot better now. Maybe typing out nonsensical stories and enjoying the creatively odd humor within them was just the thing I needed to re-motivate myself. Huh. I never would have guessed.
